Reflections on Ash Wednesday
I found myself yesterday morning staring at dates on the calendar – it was Shrove Tuesday – Mardi Gras. The last day before Lent begins. Ash Wednesday was coming, ready or not. And beyond Ash Wednesday, all of the weeks of Lent ahead. As a pastor that comes with expectations – expectations about creating experiences for worship, learning, service. Expectations about creating an environment for people’s repentance, for new practices, for personal transformation. Expectations about my own Lenten journey.
And all of those expectations this year are against the backdrop of unprecedented threats to our democracy, our security, our way of life – all of which feel amplified by living in the DMV – in the 24/7 new cycle that surrounds the nation’s capital. That somehow makes it all feel more urgent, more necessary while also dumping all the distraction into the mix.
In my heart and mind I heard, “ready or not, here I come…”
…along with some maniacal laughter.
In today’s scripture reading, I wonder if Jesus is feeling some sort of similar urgency. He’s reached a decision point and he’s taking his ministry out of the backwater of Galilee and moving toward the Temple in Jerusalem. After coming up against lawyers and pharisees and scribes, he’s headed to where God dwells.
As the Son of God, heading to the Temple ought to feel like homecoming, but we’ve seen Jesus express his judgment of what is going on among the Temple authorities.
Since the launch of his ministry when he proclaimed himself the fulfillment of Isaiah 61 – the one anointed to release the captive, to restore sight to the blind, to free the oppressed, and to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor – Jesus has been turning people’s worldview upside down. In his sermon on the plain he has blessed the poor, the hungry and the weeping while proclaiming woe to those who are rich, full, joyful and well-respected.
He's gathered followers, named apostles, offered healing, dined with sinners, sparred with religious leaders. And he’s been up on a hillside where God spoke over him (as at his baptism) – this is my beloved. And after that, God commanded Peter, James and John who were present to “listen to him.”
In the text just prior to what we read today, the disciples “listening” looks like bickering over who will be greatest. And in tonight’s text, James’ and John’s “listening” has them asking if they should cause fire to rain down on the Samaritans. I think maybe they’ve not quite caught on to deep listening. I can imagine Jesus, feeling his own pressures, rolling his eyes over their over-functioning dysfunction.
This reference to raining fire is probably intended to remind listeners of Elijah’s response to Baal-worshiping troops that served Samaria’s king in 2 Kings. But Jesus will have none of that foolishness from his disciples. After all, we were just told that he has “set his face toward Jerusalem.” Perhaps after a scolding, James and John will catch up with his intention.
As they travel on, we hear about three encounters – two people offering to follow Jesus and another whom Jesus invites to follow. In all three, Jesus has some abrupt responses for these would-be followers.
In the first encounter, he makes it clear that the journey ahead will be hard and unwelcoming. The other two people indicate their willingness to follow but have circumstances that requires them to do something else before they can fully commit themselves.
In both of those cases, Jesus makes it clear that there is no time or reason to delay the pursuit of God’s Kin-dom.
I felt myself making all of the excuses yesterday about why I wasn’t ready for Lent. I don’t have it all together, God. I don’t know how to make all the scriptures work each week. I don’t know how to make sure it all fits together. And on top of all that, I’m supposed to think about repentance?
…I wonder, have you ever NOT started something because you didn’t think that you were “ready” or because you didn’t think you could do it “right?”
Repentance is hard. It is a word fraught with history and emotion and expectation. But today, Bishop Easterling reminded me of this,
“The only vehicle that creates lasting change is repentance. Repentance is not the suppressing of errant beliefs, values or behaviors until an opportune time arises to revert. Repentance is not quietly biding your time until the environment is right to double down on selfish practices. Repentance is a realization that something is antithetical to the very nature of God and turning away from it. Repentance is a change of heart and mind.”
As I sat this morning with my panic and my dread, I thought about an image that hangs in my office. It says, “begin again” – begin again with compassion, begin again with dignity, begin again with courage, begin again with humility, begin again with community, begin again with love.
What if I am willing each day and sometimes moment by moment to begin again. With whatever intention I have set, knowing that I will fail to act at some point and when I do, I get to begin again. And begin again. And begin again.
Beloved, Lent is upon us. And we have been invited to follow Jesus to Jerusalem. And perhaps like me, you don’t feel ready for the journey.
I am aware of 1000 things that need to be “wrapped up” before I am fully ready to say yes to this journey. I need more time to plan. More time to create. More time to ask questions.
And yet, I’ve made this journey before. Perhaps you have too.
Let us begin.
And begin again.
Together.
May it be so.
Amen.
Comments
Post a Comment