Rivalry or Reconciliation
Can we talk for a moment about sibling rivalry?
I was so much younger than my siblings that I never had to share a bedroom or a bathroom with any of them. I was five when my youngest sister Debbie left for college. So in my childhood, I didn’t have much experience with day-to-day sibling rivalry.
BUT…I have raised three kids who were born over the course of less than four years’ time. They wrestled and fought and argued and taunted for SO MANY YEARS under my roof. When I read the Esau and Jacob story – particularly the part about them wrestling in their mother’s womb, I get it.
I had a friend who once said regularly of his sister, “I get to pick my friends. I didn’t get to pick my sister. I wouldn’t have picked my sister as a friend.” And that really was a reflection on how they related to one another in their adult life.
Now…that might be harsh. It might be real.
There is something about family ties that bind…and sometimes gag. Let’s be honest. It is hard to make a clean break from family ties.
In the text we’ve heard today from Genesis, we encounter the adult Jacob, already married to sisters Leah and Rachel and a father who has accumulated flocks and herds and servants. In case you are not familiar with the bigger story – Jacob is the twin brother of Esau, sons of Isaac and Rebecca. Remember that Isaac is Abraham’s son – and we know that Abraham was promised a great nation. So Jacob’s story and Esau’s story are part of that great nation coming to life. Esau is the firstborn and by custom of that day, should bear the full privilege and weight of being the family leader. But Jacob, who was his mother’s favorite and is a scrappy trickster, has manipulated his father and become the heir apparent – bearing the family’s privilege in the world. This has created a separation between he and Esau.
Jacob has decided that he must reconcile with his brother Esau and he is traveling toward him where we pick up the story today, having sent ahead flocks as a peace offering. We pick up just as he camps for the night beside a stream, where he has fitful sleep. He experiences an unnamed “man” with whom he wrestles throughout the night. Jacob wrestles and will not let go even though he is struck on the hip and permanently injured.
Jacob refused to let go of the man until he has been blessed. And the man obliges and renames him, and he becomes Israel…
…the birth of a nation.
There are some important thematic pieces at play here (and more than we can actually talk about).
Earlier in the story of Esau and Jacob, they “wrestled” in Rebecca’s womb. There is something about Jacob that causes him to struggle in relationship to others.
Jacob won’t let go until he’s received the stranger’s blessing. But Jacob already has his family’s blessing. Is he trying to collect a basketful? Why? He’s got all the herds, all the children, all the trappings of success. What’s missing for him?
Jacob receives a new name from the stranger – and he himself renames the place where he has wrestled all night. He names the place Peniel – “because I have seen God face-to-face and yet my life is preserved.”
Ah…so this night he has seen the face of God.
I suppose that does change things – seeing the face of God. And as a way of marking that, Jacob takes on a new name. A new name that indicates he’s been changed. Along with that limp.
From that moment, Jacob moves on and encounters his brother Esau. Jacob expects this to be an angry meeting, but Esau “ran to meet him and embraced him and fell on his neck and kissed him, and they wept.”
I can imagine the reunion. Can you? After years of separation Esau looks at the caravan of faces and flocks – who are these with you? And introductions are made. And Jacob asks for Esau’s “favor.”
This concept – favor is used throughout the Hebrew scripture – to describe receiving a special connection – Noah found favor in God’s sight. Esther found favor in the king’s sight. It is special recognition and relationship that Jacob seeks from his brother…in spite of the way he has treated Esau to this point. He is seeking some sort of new relationship. A new relationship with his kin.
Let’s be clear that Esau was not alone when he reconnected with Jacob. The text indicates he had 400 men with him – so he’s traveling with his own caravan of herds and wives and children and servants. He’s on equal footing economically with this brother. So if Jacob received their father’s blessing, Esau has figured out other ways to thrive. Esau doesn’t need Jacob to be successful in the terms of the day. But he greets his brother with a hug and tears of joy.
This reading is paired today with an especially hard text from Matthew – it is part of a series of teachings in Matthew’s gospel about the coming of the Son of Man and the final judgement. It describes the separation of sheep and goats. An invitation to inherit the Kingdom of God will be issued to those deemed “sheep,” the righteous ones. And that invitation as spoken explains their chosen status – when I was hungry you fed me, when I was thirsty you gave me something to drink, when I was naked you clothed me, and on and on. It turns out the righteous are not even aware that they have done this good work – when, LORD, did we do these things?
And the Son of Man responds in terms that many of us have memorized – “just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me…”
In the book that we are studying, We Make the Road by Walking, author Brian McLaren pairs these readings (along with a reading about Joseph and his brothers and the story of the Good Samaritan – it is QUITE a set of stories this week) under the title “rivalry or reconciliation.”
Perhaps the summary statement for his exploration of these stories is this (taken from the end of the chapter):
If we want to reflect the image of God, we will choose grace over hostility, reconciliation over revenge, and equality over rivalry.
That is a lovely and tidy thought – especially when you are trying to summarize the texts for a RANGE of faith experiences in just five short pages. BUT in our staff conversation about this chapter, we landed here – it’s not quite that easy. It is not always an either OR choice.
And so rather than just accept that sentence as the brief sermon, I invite you to think thematically about these stories.
First, let’s remember what we are doing over the course of this 52 week series. We are taking in the wide arc of the entire body of scripture. We’re not reading everything – we’re hitting high points that give us markers or tools along the road to frame our discipleship journey.
These are not stories that are beyond us…these are our stories. We are all living into one or more of these great stories of scripture at some point in time. In fact, I’d suggest we can find ourselves somewhere in this big story of scripture in every moment of every day.
So…where are we in these stories for today? How might the shapes and curves of these stories affect us in this season? In this moment of OUR story?
As I laid Jacob’s wrestling and his desire for blessing alongside Jesus’ teaching about separating the sheep from the goats, this is what bubbled up for me…
God’s blessing is not ours to determine. Neither is God’s judgement.
Jacob may have tricked his father into receiving his family’s blessing, but he had to wrestle with God in the wilderness to receive God’s blessing. And he might WANT to bless his brother with a bunch of possessions, but his brother already HAS what he really needs.
And, by the way, when the Son of Man comes, he’ll be the one sorting the sheep from the goats. And based on the story Jesus shares to illustrate, it must be pretty hard to actually KNOW for yourself if you are righteous or not…remember that they had to ask.
We can receive the blessings others offer – but that is not of God.
And worldly blessings are just that – perhaps some favor, some privilege, some possessions. But that also is not of God.
God’s blessing comes from God alone. And the blessing we receive MAY not be the same as the blessing another receives. I look at Jacob and I look at Esau. It seems neither was cursed in terms of their worldly position and possessions. Which leads me to believe both were blessed. Maybe in different ways. Maybe in different terms. But God was somehow with them both.
(Take stone from the backpack and set it on the altar.)
Remember this? We’re carrying this idea of blessing with us on this journey. And like we’ve said before today, it’s complicated. Useful. Heavy. Sometimes it feels good, other times it falls on your toe and hurts.
So…there is one theme I want us to hold on to.
Then, hMcLaren leans into the idea that each of the brothers bears the image of God – Jacob even says to Esau that seeing his face again is like seeing the face of God – and remember that part of Jacob’s experience is having actually seen God in his wrestling at Peniel.
And when the sheep are confused about when they have clothed or fed or housed Jesus, he points to those that they HAVE helped along the way. Whatever you have done for the least of these you have done for me…
Because we all bear the image of God.
(Pull the mirror out of the bag and place it on the altar.)
Remember this, the reminder that we all bear that image? We are not God, but we are made in the image of God? We reflect God in the world.
And so, there is the second theme I want us to hold on to.
I think maybe another symbol or tool or reminder gets added to the bag this week. It comes in part from the gospel text from Luke that we didn’t read today – the story of the Good Samaritan. But it is wedged into the scriptures we DID discuss.
It is the idea of “brotherhood” or “neighbor.” It seems important that we ask ourselves over and over again – who is my brother? Who is my neighbor? If we get into the habit of asking, I think the answer might surprise us.
(Pick up the coffee mug). Let’s tuck this in our bag, a reminder to ask the question “who should I be loving and caring for in this moment?” Symbolically, with whom should I be having a cup of tea or coffee? With whom should I be sharing life? With whom should I be sharing the blessings of my life?
The ways that we interact with God are complicated. And the ways we interact with one another are complicated. I feel like that is the understatement of the century – and yet as I look out across these scriptures and across what is happening in our society today, that is exactly what I encounter.
And so my prayer is this:
May I seek God’s blessing first – not the blessings of society, of the popular, of my family.
May I find that blessing by seeing the face of God in those around me each day.
And may I be reminded time and again that I am called to love my neighbor, that I am called to neighborliness or brotherly love with all of those who bear God’s image.
May it be so.
Amen.
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