Pursuing Faith and Gentleness

I was feeling untethered this morning.

Sundays have become like that. Worship is hard amidst the chaos of change and church politics. There is just a vibe that keeps me distracted.  Maybe it is an excuse.  

And so this morning, I felt a nagging need to do something else with God.  And in the midst of it all, I felt like I was wavering. Like I wasn't quite sure why some things matter. I was having a mini crisi of faith.  

I set out, about 25 times, to sit with scripture.  To be in the Word even as the community around me was entering worship. But I was anxious and distracted. Looking at he lectionary, I was stressed that I couldn't quite remember what cycle it was. (Year C. I know. It was a brain blip.). But it felt like I was lacking rhythm...like I was a half-beat off.

I turned my anxious thoughts elsewhere. I made a triple batch of laundry detergent (seriously -- pennies a load). I made a quiche. I tended to needs around the house --  laundry and sheet changing and shuttling girls where they needed to be and being present with crisis an emotion when it showed up. I ate froyo and colored in my mehndi coloring book.  I took a nap, addressed a card, went for a 4-mile run, ate dinner with my family and breathed.

And just now, getting back to this week's lectionary texts, I read hoping to find a glimmer of faith...a reminder of the power of being connected to God.

And in 1 Timothy, there was this:

6:6 Of course, there is great gain in godliness combined with contentment;

6:7 for we brought nothing into the world, so that we can take nothing out of it;

6:8 but if we have food and clothing, we will be content with these.

6:9 But those who want to be rich fall into temptation and are trapped by many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction.

6:10 For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, and in their eagerness to be rich some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pains.

6:11 But as for you, man of God, shun all this; pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, gentleness.

6:12 Fight the good fight of the faith; take hold of the eternal life, to which you were called and for which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.

Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, gentleness.

Yes. Yes, please. Stop looking so desperately for the "right" way or the "best" way. Live. Fully and with a commitment to righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, gentleness.

Amen. That was my day...particularly the pursuit of faith and gentleness.

And this is my prayer for the week to come.

Namaste.