Monday, March 24, 2014

Be Who You Are

I think this relates to my last post about the violence we commit against ourselves.

I have a very important meeting this week. At this very important meeting, people will ask me deep and probing questions, and based on their assessment of my answers, they will make decisions about my future.

I am trying to rest in the awareness that I am a beloved child of God, that I will be at my very best when I am centered in the authentic self I am created and called to be.

But self-doubt creeps in. 

So I was pondering this while puttering around the kitchen tonight.

And the questions that surfaced for me were:
Is God in the process?  Yes.
Do you trust Me? (Yup...having a conversation with God alright.) Yes.
Do you trust the process? (Without skipping a beat....) Yes, I do.

Now this last answer surprises me.  Because the process has been a bit of a scapegoat on this journey.

And what rushed in from that point were all of the affirmations I have encountered in the process of being called to ministry. There have been highs and lows, trials and rough patches, places that felt like setbacks.

But truly, God has been present and faithful through all of it. In the moments that felt initially like failure, there was a revealed truth, a season of rest and synthesis, refining fire, repentance and restoration.

And so, tonight, right now, although I hesitate to shape the words, I am sure that God goes with me into this called space. I am sure that I am being as God called me to be...sometimes fumbling and faltering, but growing in grace along the way.

Thanks be to God.

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